Dear Alice,
My father has recently gotten out of prison, and I’m not sure what to do. He went in when I was little, and hasn’t seen me grow up. He tells my mom that he’s going to change me to be this, upper-class, wears dresses every weekend, only hangs out with white people, speaks properly type girl. He has different beliefs than me, and he doesn’t like the guy I’m dating. He doesn’t agree with my nose ring, which is something I earned, and refuse to take out. I try to get him to realize that he hasn’t been there for me, but he won’t get it through his head. He feels that I shouldn’t act the way I do, and shouldn’t be independent. What do I do? I don’t want him in my life, if all he does is try to change who I am. But he is my father. I’m so confused..
Sincerely,
Always Me
Dear Always Me,
From analyzing your story several times I came to find that you are viewing the situation from only your shoes. I fully understand your frustration of growing up without a father along side, but I suggest that you look at the situation from your fathers shoes. Viewing problems from both sides can be very helpful when deciding how to handle sticky situations. For example, you may love your nose piercing because it shows your individuality but your father may feel different because he imagined his little girl growing up with a differently. Obviously, restricting kids these days is much more difficult because times have changed tremendously! Im assuming your father was in prison for at least 10 years, give or take. This being said, he has missed significant moments in a girls life, and that is something you need to sit down and discuss with him face to face. Start by catching him up on special events that he missed out on. Even ask him questions that you want answered, I suggest writing questions down so you don’t forget them. This will give you guys some time to catch up and maybe he can see how you became the beautiful, resilient young lady you are. You will also find out interesting things about your father. It sounds like he is eager to be a part of your life and there is just a misunderstanding between you both. Its important to stay calm and not argue when you are speaking with him. By no means am I telling you to agree with everything he says, you should stay independent, think and feel for yourself but do stay open-minded. It is extremely important for you to stay independent as a women in the 21st century, because we have a voice and it must continue to be heard. NEVER LOSE YOUR INDIVIDUALITY!
Best wishes,
Alice Taylor
SOOOOOO later on that night my boyfriend came over and we were watching a movie when the guy I met at the party text me. My boyfriend was next to me when I looked at the text, which said, ” Hi cutie”. My boyfriend flipped and started questioning me. I just told him that my friend was using my phone last night to text some guy she met at the party. He fell for my excuse, THANK GOD! ………WHAT DO I DO? Should I stay with my boyfriend or not?
